Archives Bi-Jacy 

Vol. III Issue 23 March 2002

Vol. I Issue 16 December 15, 2000

Vol. I Issue 13 September 10, 2000

Vol. III Issue 22 February 15, 2002

Vol. I Issue 15 November 6, 2000

Vol. I Issue 12 July 2, 2000

Vol. I Issue 18 February 15, 2001

Vol. I Issue 14 October 16, 2000

Vol. I Issue 10 May 5, 2000

Vol. III Issue 23 March 2002

I am doing a report for my college class, Women With Women, at SUNY New Paltz and I need to find out as much information as possible concerning lesbian music, especially during the early 70's to present. Is there anything you can direct me to?
I would appreciate anything you know.
Thank you!
Kathleen P. 

Hello Kathleen,

I did a few searches on lesbian music and I realize that I don't know as much as I thought I did about it. Or at least how to find out the type of information that you are looking for.
  This site has more content than strictly lesbian music, but I think will be of some help to you.
  You may need to do a little searching here, but there are links and info on different female musicians.
Most information that I found online is about female musicians, sometimes they are out and sometimes not.
Looks like I got an "D" on this test.  Sorry that I could not be of more help.


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Vol. III Issue 22 February 15, 2002

As a bi white male I am so glad I have a good woman who understands me and doesnt feel threatened because I  have sensual feelings toward both men and women .  In an ideal world people could make whatever living arrangments they see fit.  We ve  found a man who is comfortable with us but how does one move up from this to a true triad?   I ve found that the straight nor the gay communities  [by and large] respect Bisexuals. Straights think us queer ,  gays think we lack the conviction to admit we re gay.    I say by and large for there are kind folks in most communities . Again I do love my woman but occasionally........   well at least we share.
You are right.  There is a lack of understanding about bisexuals from both the gay and straight communities.  Many times bisexuals are looked on as those who can't make up their minds, when in fact, why should we?    Of course, there are also many people, both gay and straight, that understand and are accepting.
I am bisexual and I live in a female-male-female triad.  When we met I had no idea that we could make this work.  In fact, I thought the best we could hope for was for a long term relationship where we dated, or maybe, in a good case, went on vacations together.  But this was not what Dave and Ev wanted.  They wanted a true marriage of three people.  So that was our goal.  We finally decided to give it try and so we had our commitment ceremony and I moved in.  We will be celebrating our fourth anniversary in April 2002.
Now for some of the basics:
Telling people: We told family and friends and were pleasantly surprised at their acceptance and understanding.  We do not hide our relationship, nor do we broadcast it.  We look on it as a need-to-know basis.  Some people that were inititally very upset about it now tell us that it seems natural to them because they see a relationship and not just a sexual thing. 
Children: This is trickier and depends on the child, their age and your relationship with the child.  Our children were older and able to understand that this was a marriage in our eyes, even if a bit unconventional.  Smaller children are very adaptable and just accept what we present to them as a natural thing.  That is also how they learn bigotry.  Some do prefer to be called "Aunt" or "Uncle" to avoid confusion.
Finances:  That would depend on your comfort level and you can see my take on that in a previous letter.
Sleeping arrangements:  If you all share the same house then whatever makes you comfortable.  If you live in separate houses then that isn't an issue for you.  (We sleep together if you were wondering.)
Jealousy:  If you communicate and share your feelings and intimacies that should not be an issue at all. 
Good luck and if you have any other questions, you know where to reach me.

    hey jacy         Im joes brother Steve .   dedicated to living here in the homeland of w v
     im 47 and just now getting online   what a world!  i really need some one to talk to about being bisexual .  Sam {ask Joe } is a really dear friend but is asexual and cant really relate . most chats ive visited are horny dudes looking for relief no serious discussion at all . I mean its ok to get excited but get a life .   Im fortunate to live with a woman with an open mind and heart .weve been together a little over a year and have had 1 experiance so far . it turned out ok . she says shes good to go next time it comes up. (when !!!?)     thats a lot at once i know but like i say im new at this online thing   love the stoney site     best so far ive found      hope to hear soonest   Steve.

Hi Steve,

I am not entirely sure what your question is or if you are looking for positve affirmation about being bisexual.  I agree that most chats are about anonymous cyber sex.  Not all, of course, but the majority seem to be that way. 

If you and your partner enjoy adding another to your relationship from time to time without jealousy then that is fine.  But it is important to be secure in your primary relationship.  Jealousy can tear things apart if you don't communicate. 

Bisexuality is very misunderstood.  Some think that you just can't make up your mind to be gay or straight.  But that isn't true at all.  Bisexuality is simply being able to enjoy sex with both genders.  Some date only one person at a time and some like dating one of each gender at the same time.  And some prefer for everyone to be together at the same time.  It is just about what works for you and your partner(s). 

Of course, you have to play by the sex at ALL times.

If you want to talk more, just drop me a line.  I am very glad that you like the StoneWall site.  I know Codi has put a lot of work and love into it.


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Vol. I Issue 18 February 15, 2001

Tips From Jacy

For those of you working through coming out issues and especially those who are having family problems with your coming out, or if you know someone that is in this position.  I want to recommend a site.  The speaker is dynamic, his books are excellent and the one video I have seen, "Growing Up Gay and Lesbian" is extremely powerful.   Jacy

How do most g/l couples handle their finances?  do they split the bills and each pay a portion or do they combine everything...  what is recommended?
    There is no set recommendation.  The best thing to do is what makes you feel the most comfortable.  I know couples that pool their resources and others that keep everything separate. 
I prefer individual checking and savings accounts and one joint checking and savings account that requires two signatures.  The joint account is used for bills and vacations and household expenses and they both put in a set amount each month.  Their individual accounts are their own for whatever they choose and they are not accountable to the other for what they do with their "personal' money.  To me this is best of both and a good safe way to handle finances.
    But again, whatever and wherever your comfort level is.

hi my name is debbie,

i am 32 married and bi sexual my husband is fine with my sexuality
but i am having problems finding other bi/gay females do you know of any quality sites that i can meet people any help would be much appreciated
by the way i live in the uk.
Hi Debbie,
    Congratulations on having an understanding and supportive husband!
One site that I have always liked for meeting others is .  It is a  site
that gives you a wide range of areas, physical as well as geographical to choose from.
Also you can place online "want ads" in and .  These are also quality sites for content and information. 
    I hope these help and please let us know when you meet someone special.

Do you have any information on Gay couple immigration (to UK)?

 We have had a legal marriage contract drawn up and I am legible for a
 Bitish passport


 Marc Freeman

Dear Marc,
Same sex marriages are not recognized in the UK.  So you would not be able to go as a couple.  My suggestion would be for each of you to get your passports and go together but NOT "together".  And why give the government more information than they need to know at this point?  I hope things go well and smoothly with your move.

A Message From Evelyn about Jacy and everyone's our health!

The greatest thing you could do for your readership is to write something (or copy this) for the newsletter stressing the absolute importance of returning those stool sample cards...  I know everyone hates doing them...  but that little test saved Jacy's life!  Then later to continue her follow-up test despite all blood work being negative for cancer is VERY important... colonoscopies are not fun and make you feel gross before you have one...  but again that test... saved Jacy's life.
People cannot rely on symptoms or blood work to find colon cancer.  Those stool sample cards, EVERY YEAR, are very important and if there's any colon cancer, prostate cancer, or rectal cancer in one's family history... start getting colonoscopies done early -- even in your 30s!  Both these tests are what found Jacy's cancer and these two tests (especially the stool cards) saved Jacy's life.
I think this would be a great article for all and I hope it saves at least one life...
Evelyn Sprehe

A speedy recovery to Jacy, we miss ya! And a well wish to Evelyn as well who just before Jacy's surgery was in for gall bladder surgery herself. Hope you both feel great soon!!!!!!! 

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Vol. I Issue 16 December 15, 2000

Dear Jacy,     I have looked all over the net to find something out about the Gay singing duo Romanovsky and Phillips. I was recently turned on to their music. Are they still performing? Where do they live? Do they have an email address? Mountman

Hello Mountman,   I have good news and bad news.  The Good News: Yes, Romanovsky and Phillips are still performing.  They were in Colorado last month.  The Bad News:  (I missed them!)  I cannot find any personal information on them including an email address.  However, you can get in touch with them through their producer which will be listed on their albums.  Sorry, I could not be any more help than that. If/when you find out more, please let us know so that we can tell others that might be interested. Thanks, Jacy

I'm a 55 year old male.  Definitely bi-curious, but this isn't about that.  But mostly totally enhanced with the
image, thought and reality of two women in love.  I don't mean the lips on sex you see in porn movies, but the gentle touches and caresses between two lovers throughout the day.   I've been striving for this type of relationship for many years, but when I bring it up most women run away screaming.  I've prowled the local bi/gay bars, and the regular bars w/o success.  I've been on a bi- email list for almost two years and been totally accepted by everyone there. In fact made several great online friends there.  But never in the real world.  How can I transfer these relationships from online to reality?   It really is an obsession with me.  (and of course, that's just the beginning.  My perfect woman would be submissive watersports-loving bisexual.)  Or another way, can an online relationship transfer successfully to the real world?

Dear Curious,   Many men, and quite a few women, are fascinated by the tenderness of the beginning touches of two women. For you to be present I am quite sure the women would have to be very comfortable with you.  Part of the myth is that women loving women are always just waiting for a man to jump in and make it better.  That is not true.  Sorry men, you may just have to trust me on this one. Would it be possible to meet with a couple of these women you know online?  See if any of them are willing to have a menage a trois with you.  If not, then I suggest that you either place an ad in some GLBT publications, attend some bi friendly functions locally and/or GLBT clubs.  Can online relationships transfer successfully to real life?  Oh yes they can!  And I know this from my own experience.   Good luck and I hope your dreams come true!   Jacy

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Vol. I Issue 15 November 6, 2000

Dear Jacy,
I am an elementary school teacher in St. Paul, MN. The school district is very supportive of GLBT issues and we have designed a GLBT history month display for our school, unfortunately several parents have complained that they don't know how to approach these issues with their children. I know how we approach the issues, but where can I find advice to give the parents, not only on how they can talk to their kids about the issues, but for in the future, how we can prepare the parents for upcoming GLBT themed issues or discussions? Whew? That was a mouthful. Any advice you can give me on this would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, Beth Pritchard

Hello Beth,

  First off, please let me say that your school and district are doing a good thing.  It is hard enough for children to deal with newly raging hormones at puberty and when you add in the component of confused orientation it only gets harder for them.  All children need to know what is going on with their bodies and emotions.  And they need to learn it without condemnation and feeling "dirty" in the process.   For resources, check with your local PFLAG group (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) they should have some excellent information available.  Also, see if there is a GLBT Community Center in your area.  These groups may even be able to provide you with a speaker(s) if your school would like to do that.  Teachers are normally a very closeted (not openly living a GLBT life) group, but if you have an openly gay teacher in your school or district, they may be able to tell you more of groups or organizations in your local area.  Here are some other possible resources for you:  

District 202

1601 Nicollet Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 871-5559
Out For Equity (St. Paul Public Schools)
1930 Como Avenue
St. Paul, MN
(651) 603-4946
Out for Good (Mpls. Public Schools)
807 NE Broadway, Room 113
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 588-4447
Project OffStreets/Triangle Program
212 N. 2nd Street
Minneapolis, MN 55401
(612) 338-3103
Safe Zone
308 Prince Street
St. Paul, MN
(651) 224-9644
Second Foundation School
1219 University Avenue SE
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 378-1014
Youth GLBT Group
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 377-8800
  Youth and AIDS Projects
428 Oak Grove Street
Minneapolis, MN
(612) 627-6820

Good luck with your first GLBT history month.  Please write back and let us know how it goes. It's time we all set history not-so-straight!   Jacy

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Vol. I Issue 14 October 16, 2000

What is Stonewalls role as a charity in promoting equality?

Hi, The StoneWall Society, at this time, is not set up to generate any type of income.  We (I am using the royal 'we' here because Codi owns the site and does all the wonderful work...thanks Codi!) do promote GLBT sites, artists, causes, etc. by providing free promotional support and advertising.  But, who knows, things may change at any time.   Jacy

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Vol. I Issue 13 September 10, 2000

Hi Jacy!
I  didn't know you had a column on here!  Your article on Coca-cola reminded me of so many people that I have to put up with at work.  Right wingers who believe only they know what is right and wrong.  I'm so sick of them!
One man I work with, who is a preacher, talks about how he can't believe anyone like Adolf Hitler could go to Heaven.  But all I keep thinking is, "If there were another Hitler today you would be first in line to follow him!"
I am going to write letters.  They gripe and moan about homosexuals not having family values but refuse to let them marry.  Which is it?

Hi Jackie,
Looks like I need to do a little more advertising!  I have been with The StoneWall Society for a couple of months now.  Tell your friends! Unfortunately there are bigoted people all around us.  And most of them don't even know they are bigots.  Like your co-worker, they are sincere.  The problem is, they are sincerely wrong.  And, in my experience, they spout the propaganda they hear without it stopping to visit awhile in the in the brain.
Write letters, tell people.  If we don't speak up for ourselves and let people know we are in stable, long term, committed relationships they will continue to believe the lies!  Who better to tell the truth about GLBT people having good morals and family values than GLBT people in those situations. We will never have the right to marry until we are just people and not "them" anymore.  Let's do it!

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Vol. I Issue 12 July 2, 2000

The Article Jacy Submitted.....

Rather than run an Ask Jacy column this month, I wanted to share this with you. Please read it all the way through, especially the last paragraph. There is an address to respond to.  Please write to them and politely but firmly, let them know that the writer has no idea what he is talking about.  I think it might be nice to drop a line to Coke to tell them we appreciate what they are doing for GLBT rights. Thanks, Jacy

The Real Thing? Coca-Cola Grants DP Benefits to Homosexual Employees
TUPELO, MS - The Coca-Cola Company announced yesterday that it will extend health benefits to the domestic partners of its homosexual employees, triggering protests from the American Family Association.
"At Coca-Cola, marriage is no longer 'the real thing,' because the company has elevated same-sex relationships to the same level as the God-ordained institution of marriage," said Tim Wildmon, Vice President of AFA. "These health benefits have traditionally been reserved for married couples, because it was believed there was something special about marriage. In the eyes of Coca-Cola's leadership, that's no longer true. Two men shacking up is now the equivalent of a married couple."
Company president Jack L. Stahl said the change in policy, which will go into effect January 1, 2001, was made for the sake of diversity. "The Coca-Cola Company is committed to attracting and retaining the most diverse workforce in the world," adding that the announcement was another step toward achieving that goal.
"This isn't about diversity, or fairness, or even health benefits," Wildmon said, noting that domestic partner benefits are rarely used by homosexuals, who are notoriously promiscuous and rarely monogamous. "This is about homosexual activists getting corporate America to elevate their community to minority status. This is about politics and power, not economics or health."
Contact:  Tim Wildmon
(662) 844-5036, ext. 228

Post Office Drawer 2440
Tupelo, Mississippi  38803

The Action I have taken....

I have contacted the American Family Association by telephone and spoke with an individual who refused to identify themselves. I was informed that if I had a problem with A.F.A. or didn't agree with their stand that they did not want to hear what I had to say. The conversation was abruptly ended when the A.F.A. individual hung up. Brave souls aren't they? As well as open to freedom of speech, sorry couldn't help myself.

I have also written to the Coca-Cola Company and congratulated them on making an employment decision based on accurate criteria and not prejudicial rhetoric in the name of the StoneWall Society. Take a moment and do the same. It is equally important to show support especially if we expect support in return. Codi

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Vol. I Issue 10 May 5, 2000

Hi, I am a married bisexual male. My wife and I are mutually interested in approaching the same woman to include in our relationship. I don't mean a casual sex thing. All three of us have discussed the mutual interest on all of our parts. Friends and family say this is dangerous and could destroy our marriage. We love each other very much, that is not the issue. Are there any statistics on the success of such relationships? I know an odd question, any help appreciated. Thanks, Ted & Jean

Hi Ted & Jean, Funny you should ask that...and as my very first question too! I am in a Triad relationship and we have just celebrated two years of being together. I have spoken to quite a few others that also are/have been in triads.  I am sorry I don't have any statistics for you because there are so many that do not want others to know of their relationship for fear of disapproval. I can tell you in some instances it can and does work well.  You know how important communication is in a marriage.  It is even more important when there are more than two. Good luck to you.  If you do go forward on this, please make sure you all talk it out and make sure everyone has the same expectations and no one is in for a big surprise. Jacy

Hey,     I love the idea for an ask column! Any particular subjects? Do you think there is a responsibility for this GLBT generation to pass on a better world to the next? Thanks, LivinLa  

Hi Livin,   I can't say I am an expert in any one area, but I think any GLBT subjects are open for discussion.  I will do my best to answer them, and try to find resources when necessary.  It is up to y'all to make the most of this column!   I think it is always the responsibility of one generation to pass on a better world to the next.  Unfortunately, I don't think we have been doing a real good job of it lately.  We do need to pass on the torch of pride and the desire for equality that this generation has fought so hard for.  We need to go forward into the future and not let ourselves be forced backward.  I envision one day where no one will have to say "I'm gay" simply because it will be so accepted that it will be a non-issue.  Not in my lifetime, but the next generation....?  I hope so.   Jacy

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